Joking about the current lack of sci-fi toys promised in old movies such as jet packs is something that comes up every time someone fakes the destination date from Back to the Future on Twitter, but there’s something quite miraculous about the fact that many of you are reading this on a handheld device that lets you communicate with anyone in the world, access most of the sum of human knowledge and will let you order a pizza and then, for reasons unknown, photograph it and share that for all the world to see.

This is brought into sharp focus when you watch a film like WarGames which in 1983 was looking at the cutting edge of technology and now looks like a byproduct from the Industrial Revolution.  Back in the ’80s anything ‘tech’ was in and it was beguiling.  Films like Tron fantasised about what it was like to be in a computer and things like Weird Science even imagined being able to create a Kelly LeBrock with something that would make a current wristwatch look like alien technology.

Tech as heck, son!

In WarGames a young Matthew Broderick is cast as David, a young hacker, who accidentally gets a computer to start a countdown to nuclear armageddon.  This is all made possible when he guesses its password, Joshua, which is the name of its programmer’s son.  Aside from that quaint little touch, the fact that hacking into NORAD would now get you locked away in Camp Waterboarding for the rest of your life whereas here it gets him affectionately rubbed on the head makes you pine for these simpler Cold War days.

The ’80s. When you could hack into military hardware using a typewriter sellotaped to a Vectrex.

WarGames is no ’80s B-movie.  The NORAD set is impressive (and it should be given that it cost a cool million back when a million was an unfathomably large sum of money to spend on boxes with flashing lights on them), the story entertaining and the acting performances are spot on.  Broderick is in less smug form than usual but still manages to make hacking seem cool.  This is aided by him getting to hang out with Jennifer, ably played by the fantastic Ally Sheedy. 

What the end of the world looked like back in the ’80s.

The film’s end sequence is undeniably stupid and makes leaps of faith that don’t help the tension that the film is trying to build up but overthinking WarGames is a mistake you don’t want to make.  It’s a charming film that’s put together well enough that it was nominated for a handful of Oscars and was as enjoyable today as it was back in the ’80s.

As far as random Netflix horror picks on a lazy Saturday afternoon go, Waxwork really is a hidden gem. Sure, the ‘waxwork exhibition comes to life and starts kicking off’ angle had been done before and has been since, but Waxwork is such a well-presented, varied film that it could almost feature in our world-not-famous Portmanteau-a-go-go section.

The film revolves around a gang of college kids who get an invitation to a private showing of a new waxworks from its creepy proprietor (played by a very familiar David Warner that we most remember as Dr David Necessiter from The Man With Two Brains, a film that needs a good rewatching and soon!). They, rather unwisely, take him up on the offer and go to a midnight showing. Personally, I would have walked away as soon as the FUCKING MIDGET answered the door but that’s just me.

Old dude remembers The Alamo.

They are soon picked off one at a time as the find themselves trapped inside the various worlds magically linked to the exhibits. It starts with Tony getting stuck in a cabin with a werewolf which a fun scene but let down slightly by the fact that only a small handful of movies have ever managed to do werewolves right. His would-be rescuers get one of the gorier scenes as one of them is torn in half by the wolf. Fun stuff.

Tony’s girlfriend, China, flips the otherside of the Twilight coin so to speak and ends up in a vampire castle in another gory but solid scene. The rest of the gang escape but some of them come back and end up in scenes featuring a mummy’s curse, the Marquis De Sade and some pretty good zombies.

A proper vampire with no hair gel in sight.

Overall, the story hangs together well and still looks great with its bright palette and decent special effects reminding me of T8MC favourite Fright Night. Particularly enjoyable is the film’s final battle which pre-dates 2012′s fantastic Cabin in the Woods and does almost as good a job in its own charming way.

Anyone got a bandage?

So, overall Waxwork turned out to be a hugely enjoyable horror romp with good action and comedy and a some creative scenes of horror and gore. A new T8MC favourite? Maybe. Waxwork II: Lost in Time may be even better and apparently features Bruce Campbell, so expect us break our remit and take a look at that early ’90s sequel in the next week or so. We can’t wait!

Terror Train is really odd.

I had a choice.  I was either going to watch this (having never seen it before) or go with the tried, tested and thoroughly wonderful Romancing The Stone and have to admit, I was bedazzled by this film’s stupid title.

It turns out that it was a post-Halloween Jamie Lee Curtis vehicle that followed Halloween’s slasher flick template albeit with a few twists and turns.

AGENT!!!!

The set up is predictable enough.  There are a bunch of dickhead high school kids led by Doc (played by the same chap who was Harry the terrible negotiator in Die Hard) who pull a very nasty prank on Kenny, your standard slow kid.  They trick him into thinking he’s about to sleep with Alana (Jamie Lee Curtis) and instead have him kissing a dead body.  It’s all very, very standard early ’80s nonsense.

He goes mad (literally) and three years later they all get on a train.  In fancy dress.  At this point you’re reminded of Trading Places and incredibly sad that you’re watching this instead.  Then the killings start.

The killer. Looking fucking dapper!

Terror Train doesn’t go for too much gore, at least during the kills themselves, but is big on suspense.  At first it’s alright.  The deaths are reasonably creative and the fancy dress element means you’re never sure who’s who.

Then David fucking Copperfield turns up as a smug magician and you fucking hate him because the film becomes an extended magic show for far too long.  The focus on all this magic pretty much signposts that magic is involved and before long, Alana is pretty sure he’s the guy.  Despite the fact that HE HAS A VERY DIFFERENT FACE NOW AND IS INCREDIBLY ARTICULATE FOR A VERY SLOW GUY.

A bird who swallowed a plate (m’lord).

After nine killings, you find out who the killer is and are left pretty surprised.  The ending almost makes the film worth watching despite the incredibly limited set and some very poor acting performances.

Jamie Lee Curtis does an admirable job with the script though and gets through it like a pro but ultimately it’s not a very good film.  It’s also pretty far behind Silver Streak when it comes to badass films set on trains.  I can’t think of another.  Under Siege 2 was bollocks.

The past, as they say, is a foreign country and the while it took TV’s Mad Men to remind us all that the past was a chauvinistic, cigarette smoked haze, the truly striking thing about The Woman in Red is that that world was still alive and kicking in 1986.

The film, a romantic comedy vehicle for the fantastic Gene Wilder, sees him playing Teddy Pierce, a happily married man, leading an uncomplicated life.  That is until he sees Charlotte, played by the dizzyingly attractive Kelly Le Brock, the titular woman in red.

You can’t caption Kelly Le Brock.

Now you have to understand, in the mid ’80s, Kelly Le Brock was the most beautiful woman in cinema.  Her time in the limelight disappeared all too quickly for our liking but her two co-starring big moments (this and the exceptional Weird Science) remain strong in the memory.  So it’s pretty believable that a fifty three year old man would fall for her.

Through the film’s many smokey conversations, Teddy manages to make an enemy of his co-worker, mislead his wife, meet up with Charlotte and have his best friends cover for him in a way that’s so creative and generous, it gives the completely wrong moral message about what cheats they all are.

Kelly Le Brock and Gene Wilder. Sure, he’s like double her age but it’s Gene Wilder. You don’t question Gene Wilder.

Mid ’80s Wilder was a comedy powerhouse though and he’s so effortlessly likeable in this that you can’t help but hope it all works out one way or another.  Tonight was the first time I’d watched it since the ’80s and it still stands up, despite a fairly abrupt ending.  I need to re-watch more Gene Wilder films now.

Speaking of abrupt endings.

If you follow us on Twitter, you’ll know that the original Fright Night is one of our all-time favourite movies (hence our avatar being ‘Evil’ Ed). Now, oddly, we’ve never featured the movie on this site yet (that’s getting sorted this week!) but when we came across Fright Night 2 yesterday, we just had to check it out.

Those of you who know your Fright Nights, will know that Fright Night 2 already exists and this where it all gets a bit tricky, so before we get into this movie, here’s a quick history lesson.

Jaime Murray. Much more fun to watch than Jamie Murray.

The original Fright Night from 1985 is one of the great vampire movies. It tells the story of Charlie, a geeky teenager, who witnesses his neighbour, Jerry Dandridge, killing a woman. Jerry, played by a dashing Chris Sarandon, is a vampire and when his friends laugh off Charlie’s story, he tries to recruit Peter Vincent, host of a late-night horror show, Fright Night, to help him with his vampire problem. Now if all that is news to you, GO AND WATCH IT. It’s brilliant.

Less brilliant is Fright Night 2,the 1988 sequel which pits Charlie and Peter against more vampires (one of whom is THAT GUY). It’s been a while but if memory serves, it was hugely disappointing.

Then, rather irritatingly, a remake of the original Fright Night was announced. It arrived in 2011 and featured Anton Yelchin (from the dull Terminator: Salvation) as Charlie, David Tennant (from Doctor Who) as Peter Vincent and Colin Farrell as Jerry Dandridge (albeit with ALL the charisma removed). It was a fairly by-the-numbers remake but it had decent pacing and some good moments. That said, it hardly warranted a sequel.

Admittedly less hot here, despite the whole bath thing.

So, it was with great surprise that we found this movie.  Fright Night 2 is marketed as a sequel to the 2011 film but this is where it gets weird.  It’s actually another remake of the first movie albeit set in Romania for no good reason.  Aside from that, it’s even closer to the 1985 original than the film it is meant to be a sequel to.

Again it features Charlie and Peter teaming up against Dandridge, although this time the vampiric antagonist is Gerri, rather than Jerry, and she is played by the admittedly smoking hot Jaime Murray who is best remembered as Dexter’s season 3 girlfriend Lila.

Gerri shows up, in an indescribably overblown entrance, as a history teacher and is soon spied lezzing up and then biting to death a lady by Charlie (played by Will Payne who appears to have done nothing of note).  She then toys with him as he tries to get his best friend, Evil, and ex-girlfriend, Amy, to believe him before turning to Peter Vincent (now one of these ‘ghost hunter’ types with a TV show that looks like it is being broadcast on an Amstrad CPC464).

Ironically, Amy looks much more like the original Evil Ed than the new guy does. Hopefully this doesn’t mean she’ll end up in porn like he did.

While the plot, pacing and acting is pretty much dreadful, the film is saved somewhat by Jaime Murray (who is like a murderous Nigella Lawson) and by most of the special effects which are suitably shocking and gory with only one real moment of bullshit CGI.  Also, the European setting gives it a different flavour to the other films in the series and helps set it apart a little.

It’s not a film that you’ll need to see twice and it is mostly awful but it’s not entirely offensive to me as a Fright Night fanboy.  Which is all the feint praise I can really muster.  Oh Brewster, you’re so average.